ok here goes. awhile ago, i moved in with a dude. the dude and i were merely acquaintances. we hit it off right away. i was attracted to him before i moved in but really thought that i could get over it. of course i was wrong. our friendship started really casual. hanging out here and there, mostly at the apartment.
about a month in we were out and he started spouting all this stuff about how he has to really know a girl before he sleeps with her and all this other stuff. i bought it.. we ended up meeting up with a mutual acquaintance that he liked. however, he spent the night talking to me and flirting with me, but i could tell there were expectations from the other chick (he previously pursued her with random texts, poems, etc). so i left the bar to give them space. nothing happened between them until a couple weeks later, then he dropped her like it was nothing.
more time passed. we became fast friends, really comfortable. we went out with a group of friends he told me a girl asked if i was his girlfriend. i apologized for interfering with “his game” but he said it’s no problem, that he could never just go home with girls anyways. at this point as roommates we stayed up late together a lot, just being in each others company. he told me he liked that i was awake when he got home from work. i liked waiting up for him.
eventually girls started coming over. anytime a girl he was interested in was over, instead of spending time with her he followed me around the apartment, he’d come into my room chat with me, give me all this attention. then goes back to pursue whoever and eventually end up screwing her.. all these girls were short lived. 3 weeks tops. he always wanted my company even when the random girls were over (to the point that sometimes he ambushed me, lied about what “friend” is coming over and it’s whatever random girl). i made it clear that i didnt like being around for the pre-sexcapades. jealousy reared it’s ugly head. i failed at the friend part there i suppose.
more time passes. lots of fun but confusing moments. neither of us makes the first move towards making anything physical. sexual tension had built but i have no confidence so i can never make the first move… or even in moments where i challenged myself to go for it, he’d disappoint me by bringing a new girl over or something. he went away for a weekend to hang with his closest dudes (all knew me well) – when he returned things were off- a little more tense.
still, any time we argued we could talk it out. it all lead to one moment when a new girl came over (i have known her forever, and never really liked her). the fact that i wouldnt hang out with her sparked an argument. we talked it out but nothing really was resolved and since then things havent been the same. it seems that the things left unsaid between us are still there- but may have ruined everything. i always fear losing the friendship.
i’m not sure what to do. i think i pushed him away when i was waiting for the right moment or never trusting him. i’m nervous that he’ll discard me like the rest. i dont want to confess anything while he’s still with his present girlfriend. but if they break up – do i give it time before i say anything?
thanks in advance for any input.
-not sure anymore
|Hi there nsa,
Well, you’re right about one thing. This dude will absolutely discard you like all the rest. Maybe sooner, maybe later, but definitely some time- abruptly and without looking back.
But to back up and answer your direct question, you don’t really have to give it time before talking with this dude about gettin’ it on or anything else. He’s a pretty in the moment kinda fella it seems. Just lay it on him if you must. He’ll roll with a conversation about your feelings or your hoo-hoo or organic produce or whatever. He’s a roller. He rolls.
That said, the DW would caution you – no, CAUTION you – no F*CKING CAUTION! you – about getting involved with this dude in any sort of romantic sense. The DW knows this guy. He really is nice. And sensitive. He’ll get you a tissue and take your plate from the table to the sink. His poetry might not even completely totally suck. Maybe he has one of those scruffy beard the kids are wearing these days and he looks really adorable in skinny jeans and boat shoes. But here’s the thing. He’s not in love with you or any of these ladies and he’s never going to be. Not that he’s diabolical like a gelled-hair club dude -this dude does like you and really means all that nice bullsh&t he says. But, what this dude is really in love with is his own romanticism and being in love.
That’s why the parade of chicks. He’s all romance. New feelings. New flirting. New sensations. His big poetic heart just wants to take in the whole big fat romantic world and give it a hot bowl of soup and a puppy. If you kiss him, you’ll get poems, and soup, and a puppy. And then you’ll get dropped like everyone else because time on earth is fleeting, man, and there’s so much out there to love. Feel me, brah?
Maybe it’s time to consider a new apartment?
Here’s to being wary of Dr. Romance. Best,