Well, hello there, good lookin’ readers,
It’s time to take a look at another set of Poll Results…
A poetic romantic dude makes me _______ .
melt – 6%
suspicious – 77%
uh, there are romantic poetic dudes? – 17%
Okay, so this one might have felt like a leading question because at the time, you may remember, we were examining The Poet in Dudefile #44 and The Poet was total ‘suspicious’ material. In love with being in love. Flighty. Kind of a dipsh&t puppy dog. Etc.
But, does it really seem right that 77% of you should be suspicious of any poetic romantic dude? Or that only 6% of you get all goofy squishy over one? How does this explain the explosive rate at which weaksauce jangly ballad songwriter dudes get laid? Again, maybe the numbers are just because the question seemed so leading. But if not, a lot of dudes are banging their heads on their laptops right now.
They’re thinking, “Wait- I thought I was supposed to be all sensitive and junk? You know, go to Hugh Jackman movies. Wear clean pants. Eat with a fork. But if poetic and romantic makes a woman suspicious maybe I’d do better just doing what comes naturally. Being an animal. Like Wolverine. But if I’m supposed to be an animal, how come my girlfriend insists that I don’t fold the dishtowels properly. This is like the time circle in Terminator. My head hurts.“
Look, the DW isn’t trying to tell you what kind of dude to like. He’s just pointing out, as s his wont from time to time, that all these confounding Dudefile dudes are just as confounded by you as you are by them. Which, as the DW has also said before, should actually be a comfort in some ways. They don’t have any more of a f*ck of an idea what’s going on than you do. You’re on equal footing. You’re driving, too.
But enough about the Poll and back to Wolverine, or, rather, X-Men Origins: Wolverine for a second. The DW’s impression? It was like 20th Century Fox doused his 10 dollars in kerosene and held it up to Logan’s nubby cigar. The Wifey? Loved it. What this adds up to is that, basically, the DW refuses to be critcized later in the summer when he suggests that Transformers 2: Michael Bay Craps Out Another Robot Car Chase Movie wasn’t actually that bad even though it’s patently obvious the only real reason why is because the DW’s been blinded by 17 lingering shots of Megan Fox oiled up on all fours “fixing a motorcycle” with her antigravitational boobs in a halfshirt. Wolverine is mancandy fantasy, which the DW has not a single problem with, but you just can’t pretend there’s anything else to like about that warmed-over turdburger in a non-campy way. The DW will now stop typing or this will become a 7,000 word complaint that nobody wants to read.
And finally, a few reminders on how you can get the full DW experience on the rest of the interwebs. As you can see to your left on this page, the DW is, like, so 2009 he’s on Twitter. Come on by and follow. Seriously, peeps, do you want to live in a world where Oprah and Jimmy Fallon can have a million followers, but the DW can’t have a few thousand? Somebody think of the children! Same goes for the brand spankin’ new DW page on Facebook. You’re always wanted as a DW Facebook friend, as well, but if fandom is more your thing, come on by. The page should be set up to allow your comments and photos and whatever you feel like putting up.