Dudefile #60 – The Bad Boy

Dear DW,

I’m 22 and I broke up with my boyfriend of almost 4 years a week ago. I’ve been over him for a while, I just had to grow a pair and finally end it.

A month ago, through some new work friends, I met “Dave”. He’s 27, considers himself an alcoholic, has had 3 DUI’s, been to jail 3 times and smokes and has tattoos. Someone I would NEVER consider myself being with, but I’m so into this Dave.

Dave met my ex before we were broken up and gave me advice about the situation.  The boyfriend knew I had a little crush on Dave and he was very upset by this.  When I finally broke it off, Dave asked me to do something the following week. I said yeah, but we didn’t make definite plans.

I didn’t hear from Dave until he texted a couple days later to see if I was still single. I didn’t talk to him again until I ran into him a few days later at a bar when I was out with our mutual friends. Dave and I talked a little bit, but he was talking to this other girl that has a crush on him. Dave told me he is not attracted to this other girl and only considers her a friend.

Well, eventually everyone else left and Dave asked me if i wanted to do something on Saturday . I said sure. Then he asked me go back to his place. I said I would just take him home since I live 3 minutes from his place, but I did go back to his place and I suppose you can guess what happened after that…

Friday, “Josh”, a normal guy from the friend group, was flirting with me.  I had too much to drink stayed the night at Josh’s place and kissed him.  The next morning, Josh was trying to cuddle with me but I was resisting, without it being too obvious.  Dave called while I was still there and I could hear the conversation. Josh didn’t tell Dave I was there. Dave told Josh he wasn’t sure if he felt like keeping our Saturday date. I was mad and it was awkward, but Josh kissed me and told me everything was okay. He said I should hang out with him instead of Dave. I kissed Josh good bye because I felt like i had to.

Saturday, Dave and I met for drinks with a couple other people and went back to his place after. I told him I knew about the conversation he and Josh had because I was there at Josh’s place. Dave was very upset about this because he considers Josh his best friend and Josh should have told him to back off if he liked me.  Dave said he’s not ready for an exclusive relationship- if something happens, okay, but he’s not looking.  I told him i wasn’t looking for anything serious, either. Then we talked about other things, decided to go to bed, and, yes, I’m sure you can guess what happened next….

So, my question…What does Dave think of me???? He doesn’t want anything exclusive, but he pretty much told me to break up with the boyfriend. Am I just gonna get hurt in the end?? And I’m not into Josh..only as a friend.

-Liking the Bad Boy ❤

Hi there LtBB,

Here’s the thing. If you just want to feel naughty and free like 1973 and maybe give a little “Fuck You, Sucka!” to the ex and a get a little thrill out of nailing the bejeezus out of a jailbird that would make your dad shiver, that’s just classic Rebound Cock. Play with your Bad Boy, learn a few new Urban Dictionary mattress maneuvers, scandalize your girlfriends, and call it quits when you’re over it. You’re not going to hurt Dave’s feelings. He’s been the Rebound Cock 38 times already and for him it’s actually a pretty sweet gig. Just remember three things. One, Dave’s dipshit DUI collecting ass never gets to drive. Two, be extra safe about your sex because this gnarly dude’s dong has, without a doubt, seen battle duty in some strange and not so wonderful ports o’ call. Three, as always with flingy flings, don’t film anything.

If you’re thinking of taking Dave seriously, though, it’s a DW no-doubt, rock solid 143% guarantee you’ll get hurt. Dave’s totally giving you a classic dude Fair Warning level of distance and poor treatment. If you ever try to plead a case some time in the future that he’s not acting like enough of a considerate partner or whatever, he’s just going to tilt back his hat with one finger, adjust his mirrored shades, and say, “Hey, babe. I gave you fair warning. I never promised you nothin’. Dave’s a ramblin’ man. You knew the rules.”

And, to a certain extent, he’ll be right.  He doesn’t- and isn’t pretending to- want anything more serious than your sweet round boobies in his mouth, and even if he did he’s not at a point in his life where he could maintain anything serious, anyway. Alcoholism is no joke. A 27 year old who’s been to jail 3 times has serious problems. Multiple DUIs is fucked up. No matter what you think, you are not going to waltz into his life and magically make it all better. That’s not how it works, no matter how 22 you are, how cute you are, or how mean a blowjob you can deal out. How it works is it’s invigorating and awesome to be with sexy Mr. Eff the Rules, Bro for a while, and then one day you wake up and it doesn’t seem  super delightful that Dave’s sheets smell like someone smoked a pack of sweaty underpants full of Old Crow and he’s snoring through his second job in three months.

Look, the DW actually has a ton of sympathy for people with addiction problems, and wouldn’t be surprised at all if underneath all that Bad Boy attitude and armor Dave is actually a great person who would be awesome to date one day, marry one day, and have kids with one day. But that day isn’t now, and you shouldn’t pretend it is.

As for Josh? The DW isn’t going to spend too much time here, because you don’t really want him. The DW would say, though, that clearly he’s into you or your hoohoo enough to go behind Dave’s back, so you need to cut him off before he gets the idea that you’ll be staying over again. He and his deeply blue balls are not just going to fade away on their own, you can count on that. He’s hoping next week you get drunk and it’s Drawers Off, Game On.

You know, a reader commented on a recent post about someone who, like you, was just getting out of a 4 year relationship at 21 or 22, and made the really great point that being single for a while is a really good option. Date around, fuck around, travel the world, join the circus, whatever. But maybe give yourself a little time where you’re not doing anything emotionally serious enough with a dude that whether or not you could get hurt isn’t even a relevant question.

Here’s to the right level of bad. Best,

the DW

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2 Responses to Dudefile #60 – The Bad Boy

  1. WendyV says:

    The DW is correct on all counts.

  2. Pingback: Ladyfile #1 – What Does She Want? | The Dude Whisperer

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