Dudefile #69 – The Whore

Dear Dude Whisperer,

My girlfriends and I are debating something. One of them is sort of dating this guy who is/was a chronic womanizer…I mean sleeping with LOTS of women at the same time.

So, my opinion is, “Once a dog, always a dog.” A guy who is so insecure that he needs to affirm his “manhood” by being a whore is not going to change, not to mention have obvious emotional deficits like complete lack of ability to form intimate relationships, etc.  Whereas, my girlfriend delusionally says that maybe when a guy meets “the one” he can actually be monogamous.

We think our friend needs to join us on this side of the reality plane.

What says the Dude Whisperer?

Thanks,

My Friend Is Soooo Wrong

 

Hi MFISW,

The DW doesn’t buy, at all, your premise that wanting to put your dingdong in everything that moves is necessarily a sign of insecurity. It’s more just a sign of having a dingdong. When he was 15 and under the mind altering drugs of a hormone tsunami, the DW would have humped a length of cold copper tube if he thought it would get him anywhere. Things taper off from there for dudes, but only in matters of degree.

Which means the DW is kinda with your friend on this one. Now if this dude was a cheater or a liar or blackmailer or something, that’s a different story. But if your issue is just with this dude swingin’ his balls all over town and dropping trou with willing scads of women, that just sounds kind of excellent, honestly. Because here’s the thing. Every dude in the world, especially when he’s young and single, is dying to be a whore. The DW was. All his friends were. It’s not that a relationship stops a dude from feeling like fucking everything, it stops him from acting on it.

In other words, the question here, as the DW sees it, isn’t so much about how many vaginas, it’s about how much character. The DW actually agrees with you that dudes don’t magically wake up one day and Fundamentally Change Who They Are. Sure, they can learn to quit smoking or learn to stop driving like Dick Trickle when the kids are in the car or whatever, but a thief will always have the brain of a thief, a liar the brain of a liar, and a softie the brain of a softie. So sure, if you want a bad boy and don’t mind the risk he might try to bone your best friend when you’re out of town for the Holidays, by all means date a womanizer. If you don’t want a dude who’s gonna fondle the next pair of boobies that come by the office after hours, don’t date a womanizer. Simple as that. Look at the dude’s track record.

But the track record here, if the dude was just going about town liberally giving the gift of his wiener in an honest and aboveboard way, doesn’t make him a womanizer as far as the DW is concerned. So, he likes a lot of boning with a lot of different women. That gives him something in common with approximately a billion and a half other dudes on the planet. But is he a cheater? Does he love his mother? Does he club baby seal pups or run guns for Halliburton? These are the things you and your friends should pay more attention to.

Here’s to sex just being sex sometimes.

Best,

the DW

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4 Responses to Dudefile #69 – The Whore

  1. Kee says:

    “Maybe when a guy meets ‘the one’ he can be monogamous”.

    Maybe. I wouldn’t be so positive that’s your friend, though, if I were her. Believing you’re “the one” for him is the wrong approach. You can’t fix a man. Don’t set your expectations up for failure or you’re going to be buying a lot of ice cream in the future.

  2. San Diego says:

    “Maybe when a guy meets ‘the one’ he can be monogamous.”

    Maybe.

    Wallace Stegner said “We live by forms and patterns.” But I think anyone can do the difficult work and change their forms/patterns/habits if they want to and are committed to it.

    My guess is a guy has to prove he can be monogamous before I actually believe that he is. Look at how someone behaves. That will tell you how they will behave with you.

  3. Jane Donuts says:

    The use of the word “LOTS” in all caps in the reader’s letter kind of makes me think that this is beyond the normal male desire to fuck everything that walks and slipping into the compulsion/addiction/malfunction territory. But basically, methinks we need more information.

    • Good thought, Jane. Or, to play devil’s advocate, could it mean that “LOTS” indicates that the reader is a little too easily shocked about how much normal male desire is to fuck everything that walks? If so, her naivete might actually indicate that the dude, by the DW’s or your standards, might not be getting around that much at all…

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